Breathing Wrong

I went for my first ever Breathwork session today with a woman who has been doing this for years. She had contacted me about a trade of energy work for breathwork, and I thought it would be a good idea. I have known for a while that breathwork would be good for me because I have trouble interfacing with the physical world. When under stress or pressure especially, I jump up a bit out of my body and groundedness and then find things like laundry and dishes overwhelmingly difficult. Breath keeps spirit and physical balanced. 

I felt nervous when I got to her place for the session, and so was breathing shallowly. She didn't tell me in time and so I wore my shoes into her session room. Her chairs were white and I was afraid I might get them dirty somehow. I was afraid I had parked in the wrong spot and when I asked her if it was okay, her response was less reassuring as of-course-why-wouldn't-it-be. 

She told me a little about breathwork, we chatted for a little while so she could get a read on where I am, and then she recommended that we work on the physical mechanics of breathing. She told me I am doing it wrong and probably always have. (This is, generally speaking, a bad way to approach me, I am an overachiever who hates to be told flat-out that I am doing something wrong, especially as a diagnosis by an expert.) I have done yoga for years, my initial instructions were very breath-based, and when I meditate I do a good bit of breathing exercises as well. That all is apparently rather irrelevant. 

She worked with me a bit, had me try some things, notice and share my noticing about some things, and I began to realize that my scoliosis really affects the mechanics of my breathing. Even in its much improved state, the closer I got to how I am "supposed" to breathe, the more uncomfortable I became in my spinal musculature and therefore spinal alignment. These noticings were not within her area of expertise, I think. On top of that, I really had trouble isolating my diaphram, probably because so many other muscle groups have learned to compensate for it due to my spinal curvature, and that got frustrating. She seemed a little impatient with my difficulty, or maybe that was just me being overly self-conscious. I found it very hard not to be self-conscious since it is not like I can stop breathing in between lesson points and she was watching and evaluating the rise and fall of various parts of my body as I breathed. 

So in the end, I don't think we will be seeing each other again. Our energies don't really click. I have learned that breath exercises will help to release areas of my spinal musculature that really don't want to release (structural muscles are like that), but I am enjoying my improved energy and functionality now that things have restabilized, so I think I will be shelving this knowledge for a few years until it is time to work on it again.

A Shot in the...Foot?

I have been struggling with my health lately. I mentioned it in a post a week ago, and I have continued to be in a less than optimal energetic space. I wasn't so bad that I needed to stay in bed, but life has been harder and more likely to feel overwhelming. One way I know I have been feeling badly is that my personal space is less neat/organized/clean. I looked at the dining room yesterday and thought, "what a mess." Then I realized that it was all my stuff, and all things that I had left there or put there because it just seemed a little too hard to deal with them in the moment, and I figured I would just come back and deal with them later. Well, they accumulated. 

Another way I know I have been down is that something I meant to do a week and half ago didn't get done. I was supposed to reconnect with an old friend, go have lunch or coffee or something, and I said I would call her as soon as I got my head clear for scheduling. Well, I realized today that I meant to call her 10 days ago. I went ahead and did it, but I felt a little embarrassed that I had dropped that ball when it was important to me. 

Two days ago I felt pretty badly. I had a generalized anxiety that just sought out things to fret over: money, health, housing, relationships, the plot line of the sci-fi book I was reading. I knew that none of my fretting was proportional to the problems at hand, but I was having trouble breaking the loop in my head. One part of that loop has been a few steps for supporting my physical health that I need to act on, and so I decided to just suck it up and make one of the phone calls I needed to make, even though I would have to sound human and normal on the phone. I did, the woman I called was enthusiastic and willing to support me in the way I was asking for, and in the end I drove over to her house to pick up the ionic foot bath array she agreed to loan me.

It isn't something that had worked out well for her, largely because she had never really figured out how to use it. I looked up the directions online, lined a small tub with a plastic bag, plugged everything up, added sea salt to warm water, and stuck my feet in. It was awesome! It tingled and I felt a little disappointed that there were no bubbles or anything like a foot spa has, but my mood was instantly elevated. I felt this wave of calm euphoria and delight sweep up my body, and I have been high on it for a couple days now. 

I enjoyed it so much that afterward I called various friends and family to tell them I had just put my feet in electricity water on purpose, or had run electricity through my feet on purpose, and now I felt great. I spent 30 min in the ionic bath and the water did turn nice dramatic dark shades. A good part of that is the natural chemical reaction that happens when running that electric current through water and it reacts with the minerals in the water and sea salt and oils, etc. in the skin, but some of it is also some kind of detox effect. 

Honestly, I did it for the detox, but the benefit has been for my emotional well-being and energy level. Part of the quack science (I use that term with loving affection) of the whole thing is that walking along a beach gives the body a whole bunch of ions, mostly through the feet, which are good for certain reasons. The ionic bath is like a walk on the beach, only more intense. Sure. I also get a sense of profound calm and well-being at the beach, talking with Mama Ocean, so yeah, whatever. 

Honestly, I am not too concerned with the science of it. The positive effect of the ionic bath has been dramatic and wonderful for me. Next, I will do it again the same way (warm tap water from the tub, same amount of the same salt), and see if the color of the water afterward is about the same or different. Different would imply a difference in the human factor, namely me and my detoxing (or at least different trace amounts of stuff on my feet). I think I will also try it with heated filtered water (even though that is more of a pain since I have to heat it on the stove), so that I can see if and how that changes things. My plan is to continue these for a few weeks, especially if there are tangible lessenings in the nastiness of the water. 

All About the Body Today

I am running hot, energetically. Part of that is some of the amazingly effective body work I have received in the last couple of weeks, which has cleared out energetic pathways, meridians, and most importantly to this moment, my lymphs. 


I got off the massage table yesterday feeling like I just needed to keep moving. I puttered around for five or six hours, until finally my back seized up and I had to lay down, I had no other choice. I have been in a quandary all day today, where part of me really wants to move, to do, to not be still, and the other part of me wants to hunker down in bed with a flat spine and stay there. 


It is the tension of lymph vs. musculature. My lymphs are cleansing and so need green food and movement. My spinal musculature is adjusting/shifting and so needs stillness with gentle stretches. I have done some for each and tried to balance myself, but really I end up doing one thing until the other protests loudly enough to switch me over to taking care of it. 


I did have an energy session yesterday, and that got interesting. I was running so hot it was like flood levels, most of it from Source, and my client was in a very deep, cool, quiet space so it took me a few moments to even find where his energy was. It was a good session, but again I felt great for being on my feet and useful, and then I had to go take a several hour nap. 


I have a push-me-pull-you body. I will take another "space for physical healing" day today and then hope that I can head to the drum circle with enough energy to dance tomorrow.