Women's Pleasure is Radical but Big Penises Aren't

I'm not much of a tv person, and am far from participating in anything like fan culture, but there is this one show that I have begun to really enjoy. Hung. On HBO after True Blood (which I thought was disgusting and will never watch again). But I like Hung. It's about a guy who used to be a sports hero, but now he is washed up in his 30s, his wife left him, his house burned, he's living in a tent in his backyard and in danger of losing his job as a high school coach. The only thing going for him is that he is Hung. Add a disorganized hippie woman pimp who is surprisingly courageous in an awkward way and a bitch of a wanna-be pimp, and it's a good show.

I think what I like most about it is the fact that it shows women genuinely enjoying sex. There is usually a sex scene, and at least in the first season, they were pretty hot. The women just have orgasm after orgasm. I don't know that I have ever seen much (non-porn) media at all that focuses on a woman's straight up pleasure. No agenda, no judgment of manipulation or sluttiness, no bones about it other than the fact that she is CHOOSING to have sex and is REALLY REALLY enjoying it.

The correlating criticism here is the explicit story that large penis size is crucial to a woman's pleasure and therefore bigger penises=superior men/sex/pleasure for women. And the show is even clear about the fact that he doesn't start out as any kind of super-lover, he is just an average joe with an exceptionally large penis. And honestly, the whole bigger-is-better myth is just harmful. Far more important is appropriate size for the orifice. Just saying.

Holding Hope with an Open Hand

Well, we're not pregnant this go around, so we have collapsed the probability wave of Shrodinger Pregnancy 1.0. Can't say the redo is any great hardship (that much pleasure is great for stress relief!), though the story of conceiving right away was quite tidy and appealing. However, we have had a magical "Perfect Timing" on the whole kids thing for years now, and just because the story would have been tidy does not mean it was perfect timing. Ego makes way for spirit, and that is the way I prefer it, honestly.

I am a little surprised how quickly the disappointment wore off. Yes, it was keenly felt for a few hours, but come morning life just seemed to go on. I feel calmer now that I have a longer perspective on this. I also now understand the cultural norm of keeping pregnancy tries private until everyone is "sure" it took. It is just too difficult to have that many hopeful conversations and then have to give disappointing news. I have never been all that great at keeping my trap shut, though, so we will see exactly how private I manage to stay. I am blogging about it, after all.

It can also be fitting that we conceive after the fertility ritual of the flinging of birdseed at the feast, too. A symbol of community support for our family is highly appropriate. But this time I will hold my attachment to an immediate conception after birdseed flinging loosely, in an open hand, so that it will not be so hard to let go of it if that is divine will. There is, of course, also the issue of the astrological sign of our offspring, and I cannot know nor truly predict what that should be (even if I do amuse myself with calculating sun signs speculatively). Again, Perfect Timing is invoked, and I will trust my spellwork to be effective.

Wicked Geisha

My extended social circle includes a friend who has been involved in a group called Wicked Geisha. I have no first hand knowledge of them, and do not want to comment on them and what they do specifically, but I find that the name alone sparks my own pondering.

Firstly, my friend is white and appears to be non-Japanese, as were the other participants I saw in a random sampling of photos. This raises my own concerns of cultural appropriation. I can say nothing definitive about how they specifically are or are not respectful and/or appropriating, but I feel I cannot go any further with this post without voicing that generalized concern. I sincerely hope they are appropriate and not appropriating, but I do not know one way or the other.

That said, the name Wicked Geisha intrigues me. I was reminded of this when reading this Sociological Images post about an example of how Asian women are marketed according to a stereotype of submissiveness. That post links this submissive stereotype with the idea of a geisha, described as "a Japanese woman trained in the art of serving and pleasing men."

So what, then is a "wicked geisha"? Is a geisha inherently wicked because of her sexual availability and prostitution, such that "wicked geisha" is a tautological, redundant term? Or perhaps a geisha who is extra good at being a geisha is extra deserving of the title of "wicked"? Or is a "wicked geisha" a geisha that twists or perverts the role of geisha? Is she perhaps not really serving and pleasing men, but doing something wicked to them instead? Is she an evil geisha, or an anti-geisha, like an anti-christ? Or perhaps she is really a he, or a lesbian, or engages in some other form of gender/sexual transgression. Could it be "wicked" in the northern US slang sense, as in, "wicked cool", meaning just extra awesome?

Since geishas are portrayed as transgressive within a Western cultural context in that they are a form of prostitute and that they go against feminist ideals since they are all about service to men, the descriptive "wicked" says that these particular geisha are extra transgressive. The question, though, is whether that transgression is a greater degree of their original offense, or a perversion of their original definition/role.Or could this use of language be about a different meaning altogether, like the slang usage of "wicked"?

Definitely an interesting question. Any thoughts? Any other interpretations of the phrase Wicked Geisha?

Which Set of Lips Stay Closed Now?

A friend recently sent me a link to this article about Purity, or how dieting is the new virginity. It makes the point that women's bodies used to be more controlled via sexuality. Women were valuable based on their virginity and the sex they did not have. Now, women's bodies are more valued on their thinness, or on the food they did not eat. 

I think there are some interesting correlations here. Firstly, both sex and eating can be highly pleasurable activities, and I believe that we as a culture are quite afraid of pleasure, especially the pleasure of women. Women feeling pleasure makes them into people instead of objects or "lesser beings" and that can be dangerous to the "men are people, women are commodities" story of much of our patriarchal culture. 


I also am sorry that the author of the article, Zaftigzeitgeist missed the obvious play on words. Zey say, "It is as if we have gone from legs closed to lips closed." I would say that the more obvious phrasing would be more like, "It is as if we have just changed which set of lips to keep closed." (Groan, I know. My partner definitely groaned at that one. But I think it's good.) Looking at it from a lips point of view raises the appetites correlation, which delves a little deeper. 


Things go through women's lips into their bodies, and often it is because women choose to bring those things (food, fingers, penises) into themselves. The patriarchy has a fear of women's appetites and women wanting too much. Too much sex, which can "unman" a man, too much food, which can mean she is not striving to meet patriarchal beauty standards, too much attention, work, rights, votes, influence, power, equality, etc. Women wanting things, or more than their allotted amount, is dangerous to the patriarchy. Therefore what passes through women's lips and how much they are allowed to WANT to pass through their lips becomes an appetites control. 


I also find the whole situation sad. Sex shame and food/fat shame do documented damage to women throughout our society. And as for the men, they don't really want skinny women or women who hate sex. Studies have shown that men in our society really do prefer women curvier than the prevailing beauty standards and willing partners. Patriarchy hurts all of us.


This all goes back to the Pleasure House ambition of mine, and speaks to the deep revolutionary nature of a sacred space for people, especially women, to explore and indulge themselves in sacred pleasure. Perhaps the motto should be something like "open wide" or "making all lips smile" or "read our lips to see if we're satisfied." Okay, all of those are terrible, but I'm sure someone will think of something actually clever and a little raunchy without being terribly offensive along those same lines.

 

New focus

I have deleted my previous posts (which no one ever read anyway) and am repurposing this blog to something hopefully a bit more sustainable. This will now be an account of what I am working on and how it is moving along, any issues I have stumbled into, thoughts and reflections on it, etc.

I am a busy, busy person with several projects set to hit as of the new year. The agenda as it stands now, just before we move into 2010:

NEW PROJECTS:

• build consensus for a time bank in the local pagan community
  
• initiate first discussions about the potential uses and benefits of incorporating a pagan church in the community. I think a Grove Temple to serve as an umbrella for the local Circles and Solitaries would be good, but we shall see how the discussions go.
  
• I have volunteered for the Steering Committee of the local Transition group, which should be interesting. It is not 100% core to my values, but is close enough to be worth pursuing and see how it works out. I am concerned that the Transition movement is too focused on evangelizing people to the cult of the Peak Oil Apocalypse when really the solutions that come out of the Transition process are all win-wins that should be easy to sell, but it may just be a generational bias on my part.
  
• Help plan our pagan wedding this May
• Work on the whole baby-making process (I want a sign for the bedroom door: Making Babies, Do Not Disturb).
  
• Move to and set up a new community household, this one being more baby focused/centered and probably a good bit more cooperative, especially regarding finances.

CONTINUING PROCESSES

• Continue to build my Energy Healing Practice
• Continue in my Dark Moon Circle
• Continue to hold celebrations of the Full Moons
• Continue to make space for my physical healing
  

POSSIBILITIES (given time, space, spoons, and inspiration)

• Revive Red Tent events/Pleasure work
• Co-teach the updated Cakes for the Queen of Heaven Curriculum
• Co-Host and plan Open Space Event/Crossroads Gathering

I think that is enough, honestly. Feels like a lot. It also feels like not enough, but I am highly prone to overambition. I can admit this.