Ever since the wedding, I have been asked repeatedly if the ceremony changed anything. Usually, the person doing the asking is a married person who fully expects that I will say "yes, surprisingly, getting married has changed everything, even though I didn't think it would."
Well, it hasn't. Really, it hasn't changed anything other than the fact that I have an insane urge to giggle inanely when referring to my spouse as a spouse and not a significant other. But then again, I made my decision to keep my partner long before we got married, so the wedding was not that final moment of irrevocable commitment I think it must be for so many other folks.
I also wonder, though, whether the "it changes everything" experience doesn't also have something to do with a set of expectations that are suddenly triggered by married status. I read once that even though young women are under tremendous social and psychological pressure to be the "perfect girl", young wives are under even more pressure to be the "perfect wife," as evidenced by the fact that the relatively few women who resisted the dangers of "perfect girl" syndrome are still likely to fall prey to "perfect wife" syndrome. (I think this came from The Erotic Silence of the American Wife by Dalma Heyn, but I am not certain.)
There do seem to be some very strong social messages about what husbands and wives are and do. I know that my married sister is constantly categorizing my relationship with my partner in terms of gender roles and/or in comparison to our parents' marriage, a rubric that she also applies to her own marriage. She seems bothered that my relationship with my partner does not fall into her proscribed boxes very well, and that many of the gender roles seem to be reversed or scrambled between us.
I do not think that I have many expectations for gender roles or a different way of life labeled "married." Instead, we chose to become "married" as a prerequisite for having children, not as a lifestyle or attitude change (other than those that will come with kids). So for now, every time I am asked the excited question, "So, did marriage change anything?" I just reply, "No, I already knew I had a Keeper."
Showing posts with label wedding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wedding. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
The Wedding Feast
Well, yesterday we had the Wedding Feast to make up for the festivities we had to cancel due to the flood. It turned out quite well. For the wedding, we had 107 people RSVP that they were coming, and it was overwhelming. We had projected in the 50-75 people range, and were only inviting close friends and family, so we were rather stunned to have over 100 people say they were coming. Aside from the "where are they going to park?" question, we just felt very loved to have so many people want to come.
Then the flood happened, and the reschedule, and I never knew how very many people travel through the middle of June. At first all we seemed to get was negative RSVPs, but then the positives started rolling in. My partner's parents really went all out to get as much of the extended family there as possible. It worked, since so many of them are quite local. My extended family is all over the south and out west, so none of them came. All told, we had about 60-70 folks there, in the heat, to picnic/potluck and wish us well.
My Dad had asked what the agenda for the whole thing was, and I told him I wasn't sure. But in the end, we ate, and then we passed around cups of flower nectar and did toasts and blessings where two of our friends sang songs they had written for us, another friend played a song on the ipod, and others said a few words. Then there was the "Pelt the Newlyweds" birdseed moment (it felt like a tiny hailstorm, and our skin was so damp from the heat that the seeds stuck to our skin in little chains of fertility along all the edges of our clothing), and then we cut into the cake my sister had made. This cake was a gluten-free mix, transformed into a lemon raspberry jam cake with raspberry whipped cream over the top and fresh strawberries and mango bits confetti-ed over the top. It was fabulous!
As a final wedding act, after everyone had left and it was just the two of us in our silks and pearls, we took our dried flower and ivy crowns that we had worn in the wedding down to the river. We kissed and then tossed them into the lazy green water. They landed next to each other, and it felt just right. Then we drove home, with the rest of cake carefully balanced between us, and took a long cold shower. It was heaven.
Then the flood happened, and the reschedule, and I never knew how very many people travel through the middle of June. At first all we seemed to get was negative RSVPs, but then the positives started rolling in. My partner's parents really went all out to get as much of the extended family there as possible. It worked, since so many of them are quite local. My extended family is all over the south and out west, so none of them came. All told, we had about 60-70 folks there, in the heat, to picnic/potluck and wish us well.
My Dad had asked what the agenda for the whole thing was, and I told him I wasn't sure. But in the end, we ate, and then we passed around cups of flower nectar and did toasts and blessings where two of our friends sang songs they had written for us, another friend played a song on the ipod, and others said a few words. Then there was the "Pelt the Newlyweds" birdseed moment (it felt like a tiny hailstorm, and our skin was so damp from the heat that the seeds stuck to our skin in little chains of fertility along all the edges of our clothing), and then we cut into the cake my sister had made. This cake was a gluten-free mix, transformed into a lemon raspberry jam cake with raspberry whipped cream over the top and fresh strawberries and mango bits confetti-ed over the top. It was fabulous!
As a final wedding act, after everyone had left and it was just the two of us in our silks and pearls, we took our dried flower and ivy crowns that we had worn in the wedding down to the river. We kissed and then tossed them into the lazy green water. They landed next to each other, and it felt just right. Then we drove home, with the rest of cake carefully balanced between us, and took a long cold shower. It was heaven.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Drumming and Dancing is Good for the Soul
My partner and I just got back from our mini-honeymoon at ElfFest at Lothlorien. We have gone for the last several years, but this time we opted to splurge a little and spend an extra day, since it was officially coming out of the wedding money and it seemed appropriate.
ElfFest is a pagan festival on private land, which means a whole host of wonderful things, but for us especially, it means that it is naked-friendly. When we get there, we are usually still wearing mundane world clothing while we park in the unloading zone and scout a tent location, then schlep all our stuff over and stash the vehicle out of the way. Shortly after that, more colorful fest gear appears. We seem to just get more and more free and comfortable and naked as the weekend wears on. By the last day, right before pack up, we are lounging about with no self-consciousness whatsoever, maybe wearing something colorful/pretty/unique/bling-y, or maybe not. And maybe we get up from our lounging and change into something even more bling-y that we haven't had a chance to wear yet. Or maybe we just eat the tasty food our neighbors shared and grin at each others' appetites.
This year we purposefully found a location that was mostly private (it was a crowded festival with record attendance this year, so nothing was completely private) and hung a curtain, etc for a little more visual privacy, for obvious reasons. My partner spent untold hours wandering naked in the creek, we both did a good bit of visiting with friends old and new, and of course, we spent as much time as possible at the drumming and dancing around the fire. At ElfFest, the drumming around the fire runs from dusk til dawn. It is the most wonderful thing to go to sleep to, but it is even better to be there at the fire for as long as possible, dancing in the sand, cheering for the blue flames shooting out of the 6-foot log chimneys, and gasping at the performers on the hill who twirl and dance with flaming, well, anything. Fire poi, flaming swords, fire whips, fire staff, fire fans, and even a fire umbrella (that was a little odd).
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Comfort-Planning is a Crutch
In poking around the blogosphere, I came across this Generation Meh post called the Truth of C'est La Vie. It sparked a few ideas in my newly defragged brain. Specifically, this concluding quote struck me:
"The best we can do is to do what we believe is best. Forget about micromanaging the vagaries of other people, nature, the universe and apologizing for a lack of omniscience. Life happens – to us, for us and all around us. Recognize this, accept it and don’t apologize."
Yes, life happens and no, we can't control that. But at the same time, I can have a plan. I can think through as many possibilities or consequences as I can come up with and make contingencies or affirmations or refresh my altar to reflect a certain set of intentions.
Right now, I feel like I am inside the tornado of life. No, more accurately, I am attempting to lasso the damn thing and toss myself inside, even as I chant incantations of suggestions for where I might like to go, whispering them into its windy inner chambers. I am craving more control over my own adventure. I am fearing a lack of planning on my part, because the unknown is frightening.
The question then becomes: Do I plan more, or do I give up more of my fear of the unknown? I would love to choose to give up the fear, but honestly, I am more likely to do more planning. Even busy-work planning. The kind of planning that is really comfort-planning, planning for the sake of soothing the fear.
Instead, I think I will go back to my faith. Pray and meditate more. Keep my altars fresher, burn more candles and incense, keep the dust at bay. The problem I am having, I think, with living a life of faith, is that sometimes it seems a long dark night before the next set of instructions come through.
"The best we can do is to do what we believe is best. Forget about micromanaging the vagaries of other people, nature, the universe and apologizing for a lack of omniscience. Life happens – to us, for us and all around us. Recognize this, accept it and don’t apologize."
Yes, life happens and no, we can't control that. But at the same time, I can have a plan. I can think through as many possibilities or consequences as I can come up with and make contingencies or affirmations or refresh my altar to reflect a certain set of intentions.
Right now, I feel like I am inside the tornado of life. No, more accurately, I am attempting to lasso the damn thing and toss myself inside, even as I chant incantations of suggestions for where I might like to go, whispering them into its windy inner chambers. I am craving more control over my own adventure. I am fearing a lack of planning on my part, because the unknown is frightening.
The question then becomes: Do I plan more, or do I give up more of my fear of the unknown? I would love to choose to give up the fear, but honestly, I am more likely to do more planning. Even busy-work planning. The kind of planning that is really comfort-planning, planning for the sake of soothing the fear.
Instead, I think I will go back to my faith. Pray and meditate more. Keep my altars fresher, burn more candles and incense, keep the dust at bay. The problem I am having, I think, with living a life of faith, is that sometimes it seems a long dark night before the next set of instructions come through.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Urgent: Must Win Bread
So now that we are married, I am feeling this sudden urgent need to get stable. I want to create a plan, a situation, that will give us at least 5 years of stability, rather than 6 months or 1 year. I have spent this week obsessing about where to move to and how to make the income we will need to raise our kids.
This is, I know, premature. We are not even pregnant yet. But we are trying, the prenatal supplements and nutrition are in place, and at this point it is a matter of time as we wait for the next ovulation. Translated, this means that I have taken all the action steps I can (or that my plan allows at this point in time) towards babies, therefore, I am fixated on the next items on the list.
I would like to say that I find it amusing/interesting/ironic that I am having such a stereotypically masculine response, worrying about the bread-winning. I would like to add the caveat that I am also terrified of committing to 5 year stability, even though I have been decently stable in my current situation for the last 4 years or so. The difference is that I could have left or changed things at any time. I have the trappings of 1 year stability, I have just extended their contracts. Signing a 5 year contract (so to speak, and this is getting almost ponderously metaphorical) seems as daunting as it does necessary.
I have been fixating on the possibility of opening a thrift store as a way to generate stable income and family-friendly scheduling. For two days, I ran through all the reasons I could think of for why a thrift store could be a really awesome thing. Finally, I decided to get serious about it and sat down to write lists. I started with the Why This Is a Good Idea list, and then went from there. Five or six lists later, I wrote the Assumptions I am Making list, and it burst my bubble. Too many assumptions, one or two of them deal-breakers if things don't work out that way. I am not willing to work 70 hour workweeks to have my own business/thrift store. Instead, I want to dabble in it (I can concede 30-40 hours/week) and have it be successful enough that I don't have to do more. NOT the most viable plan right now.
Once I realized that, I started to panic. I don't have a good enough plan, nothing is figured out enough for my comfort, what am I going to do? I decided the best thing was to pull the plug and turn off my brain. Once I got it out of its feedback loop, I could look at the bigger picture. To that end, I went to the library and checked out my maximum allowable number of books, almost all mental-bubblegum novels. I will spend the weekend reading fun romps that don't even leave footprints in the sand of my mind, and then check back in with everything next week.
This is, I know, premature. We are not even pregnant yet. But we are trying, the prenatal supplements and nutrition are in place, and at this point it is a matter of time as we wait for the next ovulation. Translated, this means that I have taken all the action steps I can (or that my plan allows at this point in time) towards babies, therefore, I am fixated on the next items on the list.
I would like to say that I find it amusing/interesting/ironic that I am having such a stereotypically masculine response, worrying about the bread-winning. I would like to add the caveat that I am also terrified of committing to 5 year stability, even though I have been decently stable in my current situation for the last 4 years or so. The difference is that I could have left or changed things at any time. I have the trappings of 1 year stability, I have just extended their contracts. Signing a 5 year contract (so to speak, and this is getting almost ponderously metaphorical) seems as daunting as it does necessary.
I have been fixating on the possibility of opening a thrift store as a way to generate stable income and family-friendly scheduling. For two days, I ran through all the reasons I could think of for why a thrift store could be a really awesome thing. Finally, I decided to get serious about it and sat down to write lists. I started with the Why This Is a Good Idea list, and then went from there. Five or six lists later, I wrote the Assumptions I am Making list, and it burst my bubble. Too many assumptions, one or two of them deal-breakers if things don't work out that way. I am not willing to work 70 hour workweeks to have my own business/thrift store. Instead, I want to dabble in it (I can concede 30-40 hours/week) and have it be successful enough that I don't have to do more. NOT the most viable plan right now.
Once I realized that, I started to panic. I don't have a good enough plan, nothing is figured out enough for my comfort, what am I going to do? I decided the best thing was to pull the plug and turn off my brain. Once I got it out of its feedback loop, I could look at the bigger picture. To that end, I went to the library and checked out my maximum allowable number of books, almost all mental-bubblegum novels. I will spend the weekend reading fun romps that don't even leave footprints in the sand of my mind, and then check back in with everything next week.
Monday, May 10, 2010
A Wedding Day Nashville Will Remember
I have a friend who is also getting married this year (October), and we have been bonding over our shared wedding stress. Her wedding is a much bigger affair than we had planned, with a rather private ceremony somewhere between Nashville and East Tennessee, and then a reception in her hometown in East TN and a reception in Nashville. We both began our planning as of the new year, though I had 4 months and she had 10 months until the big day.
I shared my story of the wedding festivities ultimately being canceled ("imagine if your mom called you at 9 am on your wedding day to say you were going to have to call the whole thing off") and vented about how frustrated and overwhelmed I felt over a reschedule. In turn, she confessed to being envious that I had my Ordeal over with, and then later went on to say that really, she would feel quite relieved to be in my place. She added a story of family drama involving Irish hot-headedness around who played what music at the wedding.
I find all this interesting. First of all, why is she having such an involved wedding if it doesn't feel good to her? And secondly, it changes some of my feelings about the "tragedy" of the whole thing. I am quite happy that we are married now. Very happy, with the honeymooner's endorphins to prove it. I think I must have regained some of my innate optimism and hopefulness in the last week.
Enough so that I went to talk to the lady in charge of the picnic shelter reservations today. She is happy to refund our money since we were so obviously flooded out, but also rescheduled us for June. She said that if it was still stinky from the flooding and stranded fish and we didn't want the reschedule after all, she was happy to just refund everything, let her know. And then my partner and I went to Scarlett Begonia, our favorite little fair trade import boutique in town, and they recognized us and asked if we'd had the wedding yet, and we said it had been flooded out, and they were so sorry.
I told them all that I've just chosen to think of it this way: Nashville will never forget our wedding day.
I shared my story of the wedding festivities ultimately being canceled ("imagine if your mom called you at 9 am on your wedding day to say you were going to have to call the whole thing off") and vented about how frustrated and overwhelmed I felt over a reschedule. In turn, she confessed to being envious that I had my Ordeal over with, and then later went on to say that really, she would feel quite relieved to be in my place. She added a story of family drama involving Irish hot-headedness around who played what music at the wedding.
I find all this interesting. First of all, why is she having such an involved wedding if it doesn't feel good to her? And secondly, it changes some of my feelings about the "tragedy" of the whole thing. I am quite happy that we are married now. Very happy, with the honeymooner's endorphins to prove it. I think I must have regained some of my innate optimism and hopefulness in the last week.
Enough so that I went to talk to the lady in charge of the picnic shelter reservations today. She is happy to refund our money since we were so obviously flooded out, but also rescheduled us for June. She said that if it was still stinky from the flooding and stranded fish and we didn't want the reschedule after all, she was happy to just refund everything, let her know. And then my partner and I went to Scarlett Begonia, our favorite little fair trade import boutique in town, and they recognized us and asked if we'd had the wedding yet, and we said it had been flooded out, and they were so sorry.
I told them all that I've just chosen to think of it this way: Nashville will never forget our wedding day.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Story is Powerful Enough to Transform
The power of story is amazing to me. I have been upset about the way the wedding turned out: that it wasn't what I had envisioned, that everything will now need to be rescheduled, feeling disappointed, and just having trouble getting over the magical snap-back of having put so much into its manifestation only to have it not work.
But when I sat down to write the previous blog post, it came out different. Instead of angst, out came a story that made things okay. Instead of all the worries and complaints and emotional bruises that I had been nursing for a few days, I wrote a story about miracles. And that story, summed up by the title Doomed with a Chance of Miracles, changed my story about the wedding. It took some of those seeds of hope that I was afraid to sprout and sent them shooting up into beanstalks of story and truth.
Slowly, the wedding is changing in my head. I hardly lament the original dream anymore, but spend more time beginning to ponder the implications of what we learned for our married life together. I know I was highly emotional, but now that emotion is beginning to flow into perspective like chiaroscuro, highlighting, dramatizing, and creating intriguing mystery to run throughout our lives together.
I have learned from one of my housemates that stories have a life of their own. I am often annoyed at how events and facts warp inside his gravitational field, becoming new things that say sometimes nice (and sometimes highly unflattering) things about those of us in his life. Corrections for factuality are never welcomed, because the story has been woven around the truth he wants to think.
In this case, though, I think the story came first, and wrapped within it like a present was the truth I needed. Now, instead of the false bravado of jokes, I can have an easy peace with the story of our wedding day. It feels...warm. And now we can move on to the next step of figuring out what on earth to do about rescheduling.
But when I sat down to write the previous blog post, it came out different. Instead of angst, out came a story that made things okay. Instead of all the worries and complaints and emotional bruises that I had been nursing for a few days, I wrote a story about miracles. And that story, summed up by the title Doomed with a Chance of Miracles, changed my story about the wedding. It took some of those seeds of hope that I was afraid to sprout and sent them shooting up into beanstalks of story and truth.
Slowly, the wedding is changing in my head. I hardly lament the original dream anymore, but spend more time beginning to ponder the implications of what we learned for our married life together. I know I was highly emotional, but now that emotion is beginning to flow into perspective like chiaroscuro, highlighting, dramatizing, and creating intriguing mystery to run throughout our lives together.
I have learned from one of my housemates that stories have a life of their own. I am often annoyed at how events and facts warp inside his gravitational field, becoming new things that say sometimes nice (and sometimes highly unflattering) things about those of us in his life. Corrections for factuality are never welcomed, because the story has been woven around the truth he wants to think.
In this case, though, I think the story came first, and wrapped within it like a present was the truth I needed. Now, instead of the false bravado of jokes, I can have an easy peace with the story of our wedding day. It feels...warm. And now we can move on to the next step of figuring out what on earth to do about rescheduling.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The Wedding: Doomed with a chance of Miracles
Well, a piece of the Apocalypse came to the wedding. Give me a few more (days, weeks, months) and I will consider it to be a grand thing. They are now calling it a Millennial Flood, something that only happens once in a 1,000 years.
I had had this vision, though, of what the wedding would be. Of us standing together in the green of the park, in our beautiful silks, with crowns of ivy and flowers on our heads. We would be surrounded by so many of our closest friends and family who would bless and support us, and there would be sunshine making everything sparkle.
Instead, there was a lush rain cascading down and we had a small ritual with a last-minute volunteer priestess held inside, with a little over a dozen of our nearest and dearest. It was a morning of panic that followed an entire day of increasing panic as we first changed to a drier venue, then canceled the festivities completely for fear of everyone's safety.
Shortly after we canceled everything, the first miracle happened. My sister the chef (whom we had been desperately trying to reach by phone and were worried about) came charging in the back door under a little pink Dora the Explorer umbrella, clutching well-wrapped bundles to her chest. A few trips in and out of the rain, and then she shed her soaked hoodie and set to work assembling the cake anyway. And my gods, what a work of art! Four tiers of raspberry lemon dacquoise, piped with whipped cream, topped with fresh blackberries, carmelized lemon wheels, and fresh mint leaves. Also, a small army of from-scratch chocolate-covered cherry mice, complete with slivered almond ears.
The second miracle was my family. They live on the other side of town, and there did not seem to be any way for them to make it. And yet, as my other sister had come up with her boyfriend in his giant truck with a cab and a half, they decided to give it a go. As they had no power, I looked up the live Google traffic maps and made a couple of route suggestions, since the interstates were closed due to flooding. I know that when I called to check on them at one point, they were diverting into a Kroger parking lot to avoid water crossing the road. When I asked Dad about the trip, he replied in those understated tones that really meant, "It was harrowing." But they made it. And then my other sister popped back in with her whole family, so that all my immediate family was there, in addition to my household (there are 6 of us), my friend/former housemate/flower lady/priestess, a good friend and her baby who stayed with us for the floods, and a nearby friend/neighbor.
The third miracle was a little thing, but not so little. I had been praying and sending intent and energy and affirmations and everything I had into having the rain stop around 1:00, in time for the wedding, just take a little break, I said, and I asked for a ray of sunshine. Just one little ray. When I figured out that the park was flooded and it was a lost cause on the weather, I pulled my intentions back and said, "Do what you will." There was a whole other line of storms slated to come through in the afternoon, but they never did. The rain slacked off in the early afternoon of the wedding and never really started again. And after our, well, wedding night that was really afternoon, I woke up to the whole world having turned golden. The sun was setting, and though it didn't break through the clouds, it was one of the most beautiful, magical golden glows ever, setting off the lush wet green of the trees. Luminous. Everything was luminous. And I knew--it was as close to my ray of sunshine as Goddess could give me.
I had had this vision, though, of what the wedding would be. Of us standing together in the green of the park, in our beautiful silks, with crowns of ivy and flowers on our heads. We would be surrounded by so many of our closest friends and family who would bless and support us, and there would be sunshine making everything sparkle.
Instead, there was a lush rain cascading down and we had a small ritual with a last-minute volunteer priestess held inside, with a little over a dozen of our nearest and dearest. It was a morning of panic that followed an entire day of increasing panic as we first changed to a drier venue, then canceled the festivities completely for fear of everyone's safety.
Shortly after we canceled everything, the first miracle happened. My sister the chef (whom we had been desperately trying to reach by phone and were worried about) came charging in the back door under a little pink Dora the Explorer umbrella, clutching well-wrapped bundles to her chest. A few trips in and out of the rain, and then she shed her soaked hoodie and set to work assembling the cake anyway. And my gods, what a work of art! Four tiers of raspberry lemon dacquoise, piped with whipped cream, topped with fresh blackberries, carmelized lemon wheels, and fresh mint leaves. Also, a small army of from-scratch chocolate-covered cherry mice, complete with slivered almond ears.
The second miracle was my family. They live on the other side of town, and there did not seem to be any way for them to make it. And yet, as my other sister had come up with her boyfriend in his giant truck with a cab and a half, they decided to give it a go. As they had no power, I looked up the live Google traffic maps and made a couple of route suggestions, since the interstates were closed due to flooding. I know that when I called to check on them at one point, they were diverting into a Kroger parking lot to avoid water crossing the road. When I asked Dad about the trip, he replied in those understated tones that really meant, "It was harrowing." But they made it. And then my other sister popped back in with her whole family, so that all my immediate family was there, in addition to my household (there are 6 of us), my friend/former housemate/flower lady/priestess, a good friend and her baby who stayed with us for the floods, and a nearby friend/neighbor.
The third miracle was a little thing, but not so little. I had been praying and sending intent and energy and affirmations and everything I had into having the rain stop around 1:00, in time for the wedding, just take a little break, I said, and I asked for a ray of sunshine. Just one little ray. When I figured out that the park was flooded and it was a lost cause on the weather, I pulled my intentions back and said, "Do what you will." There was a whole other line of storms slated to come through in the afternoon, but they never did. The rain slacked off in the early afternoon of the wedding and never really started again. And after our, well, wedding night that was really afternoon, I woke up to the whole world having turned golden. The sun was setting, and though it didn't break through the clouds, it was one of the most beautiful, magical golden glows ever, setting off the lush wet green of the trees. Luminous. Everything was luminous. And I knew--it was as close to my ray of sunshine as Goddess could give me.
Friday, April 30, 2010
A Radical Notion of Marriage: Consenting Adults.
A little over a year ago, my partner and I announced that we were going to be handfasting at Beltane and getting married a year and a day later. (The wedding is this Sunday!) Included in our announcement is the fact that we will not be getting legally married.
On the phone with my mother the other day, I got another dose of "I think you two ought to just get legally married. What about ________ issue? Have you thought of that?" Over the course of the last year, I have heard about health insurance (no longer an issue, thank you Obama), intensive care visitation rights (also soon not to be a problem, a la my favorite president, Obama), protection for our children, tax benefits, and others.
Yes, of course, legal marriage comes with a whole host of benefits, legal, financial, and otherwise. If it didn't, there would not be a movement to expand the definition of legal marriage to include same-sex couples as well as heterosexual couples. For the most part, I support this inclusion and do see it as a human rights and equality issue.
On the other hand, my partner and I are polyamorous, polyamory being the opposite of monogamy in the quick definition. There are many flavors of poly, but my partner and I are specifically what we call polyfidelitous, meaning that we would like to have more than the two of us in our marriage. So yes, right now we can "pass" as a straight monogamous couple, but that denies who we are in our sexuality and a legal marriage now could seriously complicate power dynamics etc. in the marriage we ultimately want to develop.
So why are we getting married with just the two of us now? Because we want children and are emotionally ready for children. Making a formal commitment to each other in front of our friends, family, and the gods feels like the right way to start. First, we bind ourselves to each other, make ourselves fast, so to speak, and then from that foundation, we grow.
I believe, and my partner agrees with me, that the idea of marriage needs to be radically redefined. Marriage needs to be defined as being among consenting adults. Period. If a person is an adult and capable of giving consent, then that person is a viable marriage partner in whatever configuration of partnership they choose to engage in. I do also think that detailed marriage contracts should be negotiated (duration of marriage, procreative goals, procreative consequences, financial consequences of divorce or dissolution, etc.), but then again I think every partnership needs to take a long look at such logistics and negotiate them deliberately regardless. It would certainly clean up divorce court!
We are eagerly looking forward to our wedding this weekend. We have worked with other clergy to craft the binding ritual that will work best for us, and unlike the broken and exclusionary system of legal marriage, our pagan wedding will include all of ourselves, not just the parts that "pass" as conformist and non-threatening to the status quo.
On the phone with my mother the other day, I got another dose of "I think you two ought to just get legally married. What about ________ issue? Have you thought of that?" Over the course of the last year, I have heard about health insurance (no longer an issue, thank you Obama), intensive care visitation rights (also soon not to be a problem, a la my favorite president, Obama), protection for our children, tax benefits, and others.
Yes, of course, legal marriage comes with a whole host of benefits, legal, financial, and otherwise. If it didn't, there would not be a movement to expand the definition of legal marriage to include same-sex couples as well as heterosexual couples. For the most part, I support this inclusion and do see it as a human rights and equality issue.
On the other hand, my partner and I are polyamorous, polyamory being the opposite of monogamy in the quick definition. There are many flavors of poly, but my partner and I are specifically what we call polyfidelitous, meaning that we would like to have more than the two of us in our marriage. So yes, right now we can "pass" as a straight monogamous couple, but that denies who we are in our sexuality and a legal marriage now could seriously complicate power dynamics etc. in the marriage we ultimately want to develop.
So why are we getting married with just the two of us now? Because we want children and are emotionally ready for children. Making a formal commitment to each other in front of our friends, family, and the gods feels like the right way to start. First, we bind ourselves to each other, make ourselves fast, so to speak, and then from that foundation, we grow.
I believe, and my partner agrees with me, that the idea of marriage needs to be radically redefined. Marriage needs to be defined as being among consenting adults. Period. If a person is an adult and capable of giving consent, then that person is a viable marriage partner in whatever configuration of partnership they choose to engage in. I do also think that detailed marriage contracts should be negotiated (duration of marriage, procreative goals, procreative consequences, financial consequences of divorce or dissolution, etc.), but then again I think every partnership needs to take a long look at such logistics and negotiate them deliberately regardless. It would certainly clean up divorce court!
We are eagerly looking forward to our wedding this weekend. We have worked with other clergy to craft the binding ritual that will work best for us, and unlike the broken and exclusionary system of legal marriage, our pagan wedding will include all of ourselves, not just the parts that "pass" as conformist and non-threatening to the status quo.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Weddings are really zombies that eat BRAINS
Okay, so my previous wedding post was all about "everyone wants to know about the wedding and it is going so smoothly and easily that I have nothing to tell them."
Well, scratch that. I still don't have anything to tell people, but the freak out is definitely setting in. There is no one piece that is worrying me. I am absolutely certain that I want to be married to my partner and make a life and family together. I am not worried about how the wedding itself will go because I have done enough Full Moon Celebrations that I know that events come off easily when lightly planned. As a friend told me, the wedding is a success if you are married to the right person at the end of the day, nothing else matters. Completely true.
And yet, somehow, the sum of the parts is starting to bring on tremendous anxiety, and what is most worrying is that there is no particular thing that worries me, only a generalized sense of freak. I think I need to get my house in order, clean and organize some things that need it, and especially I need to refresh my personal altar. Perhaps then I will feel calmer.
I have a great support network and I have been talking to them about this. Mostly they say, well, yeah, weddings are a big deal, they are inherently stressful. But, really, can stress be this completely amorphous and non-localized to specific concerns? Bizarre.
Well, scratch that. I still don't have anything to tell people, but the freak out is definitely setting in. There is no one piece that is worrying me. I am absolutely certain that I want to be married to my partner and make a life and family together. I am not worried about how the wedding itself will go because I have done enough Full Moon Celebrations that I know that events come off easily when lightly planned. As a friend told me, the wedding is a success if you are married to the right person at the end of the day, nothing else matters. Completely true.
And yet, somehow, the sum of the parts is starting to bring on tremendous anxiety, and what is most worrying is that there is no particular thing that worries me, only a generalized sense of freak. I think I need to get my house in order, clean and organize some things that need it, and especially I need to refresh my personal altar. Perhaps then I will feel calmer.
I have a great support network and I have been talking to them about this. Mostly they say, well, yeah, weddings are a big deal, they are inherently stressful. But, really, can stress be this completely amorphous and non-localized to specific concerns? Bizarre.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
The Curiosity Seekers/Well-Wishers Begin to Gather
We are now less than 3 weeks away from the wedding, and the curiosity seekers and well wishers are starting to gather. My partner and I were recently asked, "Are you excited?" and without any context, we looked at each other in confusion. "Excited about what?" "The wedding." "Oh, yeah, um, sure...." People want to know details, but there really aren't that many involved, so it seems like they still walk away unsatisfied.
I have noticed in particular that my partner's mother seems to feel that she is out of the loop. She missed our wedding planning party because she was out of town, and now seems to think that she is missing something. She listened avidly as I described a few things (venue, ritual basics, clergy) to someone else at lunch. I tried to make a special effort to get her filled in later that night, but she got distracted.
Really, the details are as follows: This is a no-budget wedding. We are both wearing silk wrap skirts with vegetation crowns. There will be no rings. We are getting married at a picnic shelter at the park, next to the river. Reception is pot-luck, we are asking for money for gifts and there will be a basket for such cards at the reception, my dark moon circle is clergy for the ritual. The ritual will be held in circle so that the sacred space is created by the surrounding presence of our friends and family. Fundie family members have been warned to expect paganness and politely invited to just attend the reception.
We have also delegated as much as we can. There are people (mostly family) who are in charge of: paper goods, colorful and cheap decor, flowers and crowns to be made of mostly wild/found plants, official pictures, informal pictures, ipod play list for music, and my sister the chef is making the wedding cake.
That's really about it. I want one more item for my outfit, the ritual planning is this week, and I think that's about it. Mostly, I don't think about the wedding so much as how much we are going to enjoy our lives together. And that brings a huge smile to my spirit.
I have noticed in particular that my partner's mother seems to feel that she is out of the loop. She missed our wedding planning party because she was out of town, and now seems to think that she is missing something. She listened avidly as I described a few things (venue, ritual basics, clergy) to someone else at lunch. I tried to make a special effort to get her filled in later that night, but she got distracted.
Really, the details are as follows: This is a no-budget wedding. We are both wearing silk wrap skirts with vegetation crowns. There will be no rings. We are getting married at a picnic shelter at the park, next to the river. Reception is pot-luck, we are asking for money for gifts and there will be a basket for such cards at the reception, my dark moon circle is clergy for the ritual. The ritual will be held in circle so that the sacred space is created by the surrounding presence of our friends and family. Fundie family members have been warned to expect paganness and politely invited to just attend the reception.
We have also delegated as much as we can. There are people (mostly family) who are in charge of: paper goods, colorful and cheap decor, flowers and crowns to be made of mostly wild/found plants, official pictures, informal pictures, ipod play list for music, and my sister the chef is making the wedding cake.
That's really about it. I want one more item for my outfit, the ritual planning is this week, and I think that's about it. Mostly, I don't think about the wedding so much as how much we are going to enjoy our lives together. And that brings a huge smile to my spirit.
Monday, March 22, 2010
The Saga of the Wedding Invite
So my partner and I decided we would email our wedding invites, because obviously that is easier than printing, signing, stuffing, addressing, mailing, etc. Simple, yes? But then it occurred to us that we could make a blog site for the wedding where all the info would be in one place, rather than in easily lost/deleted emails. And then it got complicated.
We created a new email address for the wedding, and then started a blogspot with that email. We know we need funds rather than china and kitchen appliances, so we decided we also needed a way for people to give us money online. And of course, since email and websites are so impersonal, we decided we needed a video of the two of us asking people to come to the wedding.
I did several hours of research of the best way to receive cash gifts online, and in the end, surprisingly to me, PayPal won. The specific wedding registry sites at minimum were PayPal powered with PayPal fees, and then other sites went as high as 8% fees. Therefore my partner and I created a specific wedding PayPal account. We then needed a link for people to click to give us money. Oh, no, it has to be a button. But there is no "Give" or "Gift" button precoded by PayPal. Had to be a custom. Didn't find an image to our liking, so we made our own in paint.net. Then had to put it into the button code generator for PayPal, and then copy it into the blog site.
And as for the video, well, that was exhausting. I have a webcam in my computer. We made a test vid, but even less than a minute was too big for Blogspot's Google Video hosting. So, YouTube. Made a special wedding YouTube account, tried to upload test video. A long time later, it was up but played 4x faster than it should have been. We looked like robots on speed. So, our phones, perhaps? Uploaded a test from that. This time the image played right, but the sound was bad to nonexistent. So in the end we let YouTube robocontrol my webcam and recorded direct to YouTube, even though the quality was lower than we wanted.
Big sigh. Took us probably 14 hours of work all told. I ended up sitting on the whole project for a day or two before I sent out the actual email invite that links people to the website. I was just burned out on it all and needed a break before everyone told us how cute we were and how annoyed that we didn't finish our jokes in our video.
Next step: creating the spreadsheet to track RSVPs and gifts. I think I'll wait a bit before I tackle that one.
We created a new email address for the wedding, and then started a blogspot with that email. We know we need funds rather than china and kitchen appliances, so we decided we also needed a way for people to give us money online. And of course, since email and websites are so impersonal, we decided we needed a video of the two of us asking people to come to the wedding.
I did several hours of research of the best way to receive cash gifts online, and in the end, surprisingly to me, PayPal won. The specific wedding registry sites at minimum were PayPal powered with PayPal fees, and then other sites went as high as 8% fees. Therefore my partner and I created a specific wedding PayPal account. We then needed a link for people to click to give us money. Oh, no, it has to be a button. But there is no "Give" or "Gift" button precoded by PayPal. Had to be a custom. Didn't find an image to our liking, so we made our own in paint.net. Then had to put it into the button code generator for PayPal, and then copy it into the blog site.
And as for the video, well, that was exhausting. I have a webcam in my computer. We made a test vid, but even less than a minute was too big for Blogspot's Google Video hosting. So, YouTube. Made a special wedding YouTube account, tried to upload test video. A long time later, it was up but played 4x faster than it should have been. We looked like robots on speed. So, our phones, perhaps? Uploaded a test from that. This time the image played right, but the sound was bad to nonexistent. So in the end we let YouTube robocontrol my webcam and recorded direct to YouTube, even though the quality was lower than we wanted.
Big sigh. Took us probably 14 hours of work all told. I ended up sitting on the whole project for a day or two before I sent out the actual email invite that links people to the website. I was just burned out on it all and needed a break before everyone told us how cute we were and how annoyed that we didn't finish our jokes in our video.
Next step: creating the spreadsheet to track RSVPs and gifts. I think I'll wait a bit before I tackle that one.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Tasty Noshing Makes Wedding Planning Easier
The Wedding Planning Party/Meeting went well. I admit we were nervous and spent a good bit of time cleaning the house and worrying a bit about dealing with that much family all at the same time, but in the end it was not too painful. Many many thanks to my sister the chef who brought a spread that still has me muttering in stunned awe. I had asked if she would provide a little something to nosh on, and she came through with multiple dishes that ranged from French to Vietnamese to Brazilian. And all with a one year old and a two year old rampaging through the house.
After we had all eaten, I got out my notebook and everyone looked to me to get us started. I had a hard moment there where I had to say, um, well, I don't know where to start, we are stuck. My main Priestess and my sister were right on top of things and jumped right in, confirming 1. We have a date, 2. We have a venue, 3. Do we have a time? and it all flowed from there.
Turned out that there is less that we were missing than I was afraid of. Really, I think we just needed permission to do it the way we wanted to, and needed those more experienced to check our work, so to speak. We are doing this on a shoestring and as easily as possible, but it is hard to ignore the questions that run along the lines of, "What do you want for your flowers? Well, of course you will want flowers here, there, and everywhere, and in all of these places, and given to all of these people, and well, what do you want?" That is usually the point where I get stuck, since I can't imagine having that many flowers (or a cake like that, or music like this, etc.), but suddenly feel like what I want is probably the wrong answer, and maybe my partner wants that and I need to check in, and wow, what do I do now?
But now we seem to be on the right track. We will probably be making an invitation video to go out with our email, and send along a link to a place where people can give us start-up money in lieu of presents, and it will be good.
Oh, and the biggest news of all is that the parents agreed that the best way to handle the paganness of our wedding is the way we were planning to do it. We will be open and up front about it, include the fact that there will be some participation involved, and that if anyone feels uncomfortable participating in a pagan ritual, we would still love it if they came to the reception. That relieves a lot of my worry; I have been quite concerned that I might get beat over the head by some of my Christian aunts and uncles.
After we had all eaten, I got out my notebook and everyone looked to me to get us started. I had a hard moment there where I had to say, um, well, I don't know where to start, we are stuck. My main Priestess and my sister were right on top of things and jumped right in, confirming 1. We have a date, 2. We have a venue, 3. Do we have a time? and it all flowed from there.
Turned out that there is less that we were missing than I was afraid of. Really, I think we just needed permission to do it the way we wanted to, and needed those more experienced to check our work, so to speak. We are doing this on a shoestring and as easily as possible, but it is hard to ignore the questions that run along the lines of, "What do you want for your flowers? Well, of course you will want flowers here, there, and everywhere, and in all of these places, and given to all of these people, and well, what do you want?" That is usually the point where I get stuck, since I can't imagine having that many flowers (or a cake like that, or music like this, etc.), but suddenly feel like what I want is probably the wrong answer, and maybe my partner wants that and I need to check in, and wow, what do I do now?
But now we seem to be on the right track. We will probably be making an invitation video to go out with our email, and send along a link to a place where people can give us start-up money in lieu of presents, and it will be good.
Oh, and the biggest news of all is that the parents agreed that the best way to handle the paganness of our wedding is the way we were planning to do it. We will be open and up front about it, include the fact that there will be some participation involved, and that if anyone feels uncomfortable participating in a pagan ritual, we would still love it if they came to the reception. That relieves a lot of my worry; I have been quite concerned that I might get beat over the head by some of my Christian aunts and uncles.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Asking for Help with the Wedding
My partner and I have had the goal of getting our wedding invitations out as of mid-March, to give guests 6 weeks notice, and that is after we sent out a "Save the Date" at the beginning of the year. That means that we should be finalizing all our plans, figuring out what we are going to ask for in the way of presents, who to invite, how safe it is to invite which members of the family to the pagan ceremony, how to broach the pagan ritual part, etc.
And we realized this week that we have no clue what we are doing. Neither of us has ever planned a wedding before. There is a core of a few things that we definitely want, but there are many other things that have to happen that we really don't have an opinion on. We are feeling intimidated and therefore stuck on the whole process. Not good.
We decided a couple of days ago that it was therefore time to ask for help. We are both quite independent, and I especially am bad about saying, "Oh, no, I know what I'm doing, this will be easy," and then getting a little ways further down the road of my project, looking around, realizing I have no idea what I am doing, but feeling too proud to go back and say, "Sorry, I was wrong, I really do need help."
Well, we need help. I have now made the emergency phone calls to both sets of parents, my sister, and the friends who will be Priestessing. They have all agreed to try to come on Sunday for an afternoon Wedding Planning Party, and my sister is even going to knock up a bit of food for us to nosh on. I had thought initially that we should make food, but then Dad told me I should ask my sister the chef, and she was rather enthusiastic about saying yes.
I feel much relieved. Hopefully it will all be easy and quick. Here's hoping.
And we realized this week that we have no clue what we are doing. Neither of us has ever planned a wedding before. There is a core of a few things that we definitely want, but there are many other things that have to happen that we really don't have an opinion on. We are feeling intimidated and therefore stuck on the whole process. Not good.
We decided a couple of days ago that it was therefore time to ask for help. We are both quite independent, and I especially am bad about saying, "Oh, no, I know what I'm doing, this will be easy," and then getting a little ways further down the road of my project, looking around, realizing I have no idea what I am doing, but feeling too proud to go back and say, "Sorry, I was wrong, I really do need help."
Well, we need help. I have now made the emergency phone calls to both sets of parents, my sister, and the friends who will be Priestessing. They have all agreed to try to come on Sunday for an afternoon Wedding Planning Party, and my sister is even going to knock up a bit of food for us to nosh on. I had thought initially that we should make food, but then Dad told me I should ask my sister the chef, and she was rather enthusiastic about saying yes.
I feel much relieved. Hopefully it will all be easy and quick. Here's hoping.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Shelter Scouts
Yesterday my partner and I went scouting wedding locations. We both really want to be outside for the ritual. My partner is always happiest when running around in the woods (wearing as little as possible), and natural/wild spaces are sacred to both of us. Besides, I cannot imagine wanting to wear shoes for the wedding.
Some good friends of ours have offered their land as a location, and as much as we love their land and their vibe, we are worried about logistics. They don't have a toilet that flushes "normally" on their property, the parking would require a bit of creativity, and even if we did it in their most accessible field, there would still be something of a walk over uneven ground for attendees and I can think of at least one relative who may or may not be able to traverse that kind of terrain. Also, the rain plan would be a bit of a toss up, though M says he has been wanting to build a shelter and this would be a great excuse to do it.
Instead, we are thinking the facilities at one of the large local parks would be a good idea. They have thousands of beautiful acres that I grew up visiting, and my partner and I have gone for a number of hikes there and really enjoy it. They also have 11 picnic shelters available for reservations, all of them clearly numbered with good signage off of one particular park entrance. So today we went to suss them out and see how their energy feels.
We started by driving all the way to the back, looking for the most privacy. About half the shelters are on the banks of the river, with flat flood plain around them. Number 11 at the very back seemed to be the biggest, with a dozen large picnic tables, half sheltered and half open, about 15 feet from the water. Surprisingly, though, it didn't seem terribly private, probably because it was so large with so much flat, open space around it. We kept poking around and really like #6, which is also close to the river. Its shelter is made of mortared stone, has 5 picnic tables that seat 10-12 each, plus one more table that can be moved under the roof and another half dozen tables in the open. There is also a much smaller shelter right next to it, across a small round field that seems perfect for the ritual circle. The smaller shelter goes with the larger one, we think, and could be a priestess space or something. There are swings to keep any kids in attendance occupied and they have blocked off the road so that there is no through traffic. The parking is reasonable, though the bathrooms are a bit of a hike or will require a very short drive.
We also have a second choice picked out, and then two others that will do, just in case. The phone line for making reservations opens for the year on Tuesday, and apparently there is a good bit of demand, so we want to get them made first thing. It is also cheap, only $50 for a whole day (a half day would require too much running around, I think), plus maybe a deposit, depending.
On the one hand, the park seems a bit impersonal, but I think it is a) an already formally available space, easy to set up without much prep work like a whole-house deep clean, b) has parking c) has room under a roof in case of rain d) has available bathrooms e) has flat outdoor space for ritual circle f) is in mostly wild space (and bonus g) is near the river!).
We may run back over there today just to take another look around and get a feel for a couple of smaller shelters that were in use so we couldn't tour them before. I don't know. They have fireplaces, whereas the ones we picked don't, though with a May wedding we aren't sure we need fire. Then again, fire is always good.
And as for our friends' land that they offered, well, we think we might go play there the day AFTER the wedding, when playing naked in the woods will be more appropriate. (Gets a little awkward, the whole being naked among the trees thing, when your conservative parents are taking pictures for posterity, I must say.)
Some good friends of ours have offered their land as a location, and as much as we love their land and their vibe, we are worried about logistics. They don't have a toilet that flushes "normally" on their property, the parking would require a bit of creativity, and even if we did it in their most accessible field, there would still be something of a walk over uneven ground for attendees and I can think of at least one relative who may or may not be able to traverse that kind of terrain. Also, the rain plan would be a bit of a toss up, though M says he has been wanting to build a shelter and this would be a great excuse to do it.
Instead, we are thinking the facilities at one of the large local parks would be a good idea. They have thousands of beautiful acres that I grew up visiting, and my partner and I have gone for a number of hikes there and really enjoy it. They also have 11 picnic shelters available for reservations, all of them clearly numbered with good signage off of one particular park entrance. So today we went to suss them out and see how their energy feels.
We started by driving all the way to the back, looking for the most privacy. About half the shelters are on the banks of the river, with flat flood plain around them. Number 11 at the very back seemed to be the biggest, with a dozen large picnic tables, half sheltered and half open, about 15 feet from the water. Surprisingly, though, it didn't seem terribly private, probably because it was so large with so much flat, open space around it. We kept poking around and really like #6, which is also close to the river. Its shelter is made of mortared stone, has 5 picnic tables that seat 10-12 each, plus one more table that can be moved under the roof and another half dozen tables in the open. There is also a much smaller shelter right next to it, across a small round field that seems perfect for the ritual circle. The smaller shelter goes with the larger one, we think, and could be a priestess space or something. There are swings to keep any kids in attendance occupied and they have blocked off the road so that there is no through traffic. The parking is reasonable, though the bathrooms are a bit of a hike or will require a very short drive.
We also have a second choice picked out, and then two others that will do, just in case. The phone line for making reservations opens for the year on Tuesday, and apparently there is a good bit of demand, so we want to get them made first thing. It is also cheap, only $50 for a whole day (a half day would require too much running around, I think), plus maybe a deposit, depending.
On the one hand, the park seems a bit impersonal, but I think it is a) an already formally available space, easy to set up without much prep work like a whole-house deep clean, b) has parking c) has room under a roof in case of rain d) has available bathrooms e) has flat outdoor space for ritual circle f) is in mostly wild space (and bonus g) is near the river!).
We may run back over there today just to take another look around and get a feel for a couple of smaller shelters that were in use so we couldn't tour them before. I don't know. They have fireplaces, whereas the ones we picked don't, though with a May wedding we aren't sure we need fire. Then again, fire is always good.
And as for our friends' land that they offered, well, we think we might go play there the day AFTER the wedding, when playing naked in the woods will be more appropriate. (Gets a little awkward, the whole being naked among the trees thing, when your conservative parents are taking pictures for posterity, I must say.)
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
New focus
I have deleted my previous posts (which no one ever read anyway) and am repurposing this blog to something hopefully a bit more sustainable. This will now be an account of what I am working on and how it is moving along, any issues I have stumbled into, thoughts and reflections on it, etc.
I am a busy, busy person with several projects set to hit as of the new year. The agenda as it stands now, just before we move into 2010:
NEW PROJECTS:
I am a busy, busy person with several projects set to hit as of the new year. The agenda as it stands now, just before we move into 2010:
NEW PROJECTS:
- build consensus for a time bank in the local pagan community
- initiate first discussions about the potential uses and benefits of incorporating a pagan church in the community. I think a Grove Temple to serve as an umbrella for the local Circles and Solitaries would be good, but we shall see how the discussions go.
- I have volunteered for the Steering Committee of the local Transition group, which should be interesting. It is not 100% core to my values, but is close enough to be worth pursuing and see how it works out. I am concerned that the Transition movement is too focused on evangelizing people to the cult of the Peak Oil Apocalypse when really the solutions that come out of the Transition process are all win-wins that should be easy to sell, but it may just be a generational bias on my part.
- Help plan our pagan wedding this May
- Work on the whole baby-making process (I want a sign for the bedroom door: Making Babies, Do Not Disturb).
- Move to and set up a new community household, this one being more baby focused/centered and probably a good bit more cooperative, especially regarding finances.
- Continue to build my Energy Healing Practice
- Continue in my Dark Moon Circle
- Continue to hold celebrations of the Full Moons
- Continue to make space for my physical healing
- Revive Red Tent events/Pleasure work
- Co-teach the updated Cakes for the Queen of Heaven Curriculum
- Co-Host and plan Open Space Event/Crossroads Gathering
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