Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Comfort-Planning is a Crutch

In poking around the blogosphere, I came across this Generation Meh post called the Truth of C'est La Vie. It sparked a few ideas in my newly defragged brain. Specifically, this concluding quote struck me:

"The best we can do is to do what we believe is best. Forget about micromanaging the vagaries of other people, nature, the universe and apologizing for a lack of omniscience. Life happens – to us, for us and all around us. Recognize this, accept it and don’t apologize."

Yes, life happens and no, we can't control that. But at the same time, I can have a plan. I can think through as many possibilities or consequences as I can come up with and make contingencies or affirmations or refresh my altar to reflect a certain set of intentions. 

Right now, I feel like I am inside the tornado of life. No, more accurately, I am attempting to lasso the damn thing and toss myself inside, even as I chant incantations of suggestions for where I might like to go, whispering them into its windy inner chambers. I am craving more control over my own adventure. I am fearing a lack of planning on my part, because the unknown is frightening. 

The question then becomes: Do I plan more, or do I give up more of my fear of the unknown? I would love to choose to give up the fear, but honestly, I am more likely to do more planning. Even busy-work planning. The kind of planning that is really comfort-planning, planning for the sake of soothing the fear. 

Instead, I think I will go back to my faith. Pray and meditate more. Keep my altars fresher, burn more candles and incense, keep the dust at bay. The problem I am having, I think,  with living a life of faith, is that sometimes it seems a long dark night before the next set of instructions come through.


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